Better than we know

Fun fact: when I started recording my life in scrappy little notebooks, I had a theory that the entries were going to help me be an amazing mom.

The idea was that if I accurately captured the thoughts and feelings of my eleven-year-old self, I would, at thirty-something, be able to understand my young daughters better. I have yet to prove this hypothesis.

I’ve got a journal in front of me right now, but this one is much more recent. In fact, it isn't even full. Starting near the beginning, I flip forward through time. Some months fly by silently, as if they never existed. Others take up pages and pages, painting vivid pictures of parties, conversations, sermons, people. I laugh. And cringe. A lot.

I finally find what I'm looking for. Songs, all copied from memory in scratchy blue ink. I think my theory about these journals might be correct, because these tearstained pages and long entries interspersed with song lyrics take me right back to the moments I penned them. In the times when I was all feelings and no words I would write down a verse from a song that spoke what I couldn't say. This chorus is written many times:

"Even when the pain feels bigger than the promises, press through

For we know He's good and He is always for us, it's true

At the end of the day, I don't know much

But as sure as the spring will bring new growth

I believe He's better than we know."

Better Than We Know by Christy Nockels is still one of my most listened to songs. Most times when I wrote this song in my notebook, I would include a promise next to it, to remind myself of what is true:

Isaiah 41:10. God will strengthen me and hold me. When I can't stand, He will pick me up.

John 16:33. My Saviour has overcome the world, so even though I will walk through trials, I can take heart and be at peace.

Psalm 73:23. The Lord is always with me.

Pain is a barrier that can obstruct our vision without us realising it. When we feel the ache of a world that's groaning, when we feel death's sting, it's easy to let the pain win. To forget that God's promises are true, even when it looks like the world is falling apart and He is far away. He never is. He's always exactly where He promised He'd be: by my side, by yours. Holding us, helping us stand.

The pain will never be bigger than the promises. My God is sovereign. By definition, there can be nothing and no one above the sovereign God. He is so infinitely good, I can't even know just how good He is!

If I were to spend a thousand years learning about His goodness, I could never even come close to the full knowledge. Even as He reveals new mercies every day, He's still better than I know. He's better than I can ever know, so I'm going to keep receiving those mercies and thanking Him.

Maybe my journals won't turn out to be a help when it comes to parenting, but I know for a fact that those words and songs have been the instruments God used to keep me anchored. I encourage you to write down the promises of your sovereign God.

For the happy days, for the hard days. For the days God has planned for you. These are the truths that will echo in your heart when you begin to wonder if you were wrong about Him. Get out a notebook, write them all down, and sing of the goodness of God.